5 Cliche Questions People Ask New Moms...

...and 5 questions you may want to ask instead.

Having recently become a mother, I'm astounded at the number of people who will ask you the same 5 questions about your child and your role as a mother....over and over again. Upon further consideration I find some of these questions may be somewhat insensitive if not slightly inappropriate to ask a woman who is not a close friend. Let me explain...

Question #1: "Is he a good baby?"

Now, in actuality, the person asking this question probably assumes that the answer to this question should/will always be "yes, of course, a very good baby" or some other such half truth. (All babies are good babies.... at least some of the time!) The reason this particular question might be quite touchy for certain moms is simple: they may have a 'high maintenance' baby. Maybe their baby screams for no reason for hours every evening. Maybe their baby refuses to ever be put down. Ever. Maybe their baby wakes multiple times at night. Every. Night. It could be any number of things that just mean that their baby requires that little bit of extra care and attention, and that maybe their baby is a "difficult baby".  The point is...it's a loaded question which could cause Mom herself to wonder whether her baby is "good" or not...and if not, is she a bad mother?

Question #2: "Does he sleep well for you?"

Luckily I have been blessed with a baby who is, on the whole, a good sleeper. So, I have been guilty of asking other people this question myself. However, having been inducted into the 'circle of moms', I now realise there are many MANY (many,  many) women who are not so fortunate. As a result, this question may drum up feelings of inadequacy, frustration, or downright hopelessness. Why do we think its okay to go there? I, for one, will try not to ask this question unless the mother I'm speaking to is either a) a close friend,  b) is volunteering information on the subject of her child's sleep patterns, or c) she started it.  (I'm currently feeling a little bitter about this one, as we seem to have taken a slight step backward in the sleep department over the last few weeks).

Question #3: Does he eat well?/Are you breast feeding?

Having put my foot in my mouth once earlier in the same day with the sleep question, I met another mom and fumbled about for something that was seemingly less harmful...I came up with this little gem. Unfortunately for me, this mother's (wonderful sleeper) baby happened to be really fussy when it came time to chow down on the milk. These days, health care professionals tend to recommend breast feeding as the best source of nutrition for our babies. "Breast is Best!" and all that.  Don't get me wrong, I think breastfeeding is fantastic. The only problem with this trend is that some mothers who choose not to or are unable to breastfeed for whatever reason, may be made to feel like less of a woman or a bad mother. I have found this to be especially true here in the U.K. Sad, but true nonetheless. Breast feeding is hard. Really hard at first. I wouldn't blame anyone if she had to give it up after day 1, or even if she chose not to from the outset. Also, with varying opinions and experiences on the length of time women choose to breast feed their children, it may be best just not to ask. (Especially if you are someone who may feel the need to offer unsolicited advice...no one asked you).

Question #4: Is baby doing 'x' yet?

This question mainly applies to other mommy friends....we all do it. But we shouldn't fall into the baby development competition trap. I feel like there isn't really much more to be said here. No one likes "that" mom... though we all ask these typed of questions at times, and it is usually innocent. It's not always a competition, but again, it would be easy to inadvertently offend someone if you draw light on the fact that their child should be speaking Chinese already now that they 5 months old just because yours is...(In case you were wondering, Elijah is also fluent in Spanish and Russian).

Question #5: Are you enjoying motherhood?

Now, this one is tricky. People generally ask this thinking only about the smiling babe in your arms, and the smile on your face. The answer, 99.9% the time, would be yes. Absolutely yes. However, please refer back to the earlier questions. Maybe this particular mother has a baby who hasn't slept more than an hour at a time. For a month. Maybe she feels as though she is letting her child down by being unable to breast feed. Maybe today is the first time she managed to actually get out of the house (and/or shower) for the last two weeks. Motherhood is beautiful, but it is also challenging. On any particular day, this question may solicit tears from a mother who loves her child desperately, but also finds that the constant demand of motherhood can be quite daunting.

So if these 5 questions should be the new taboo, what should we ask instead?

Here are a few suggestions:

1. How do you like to spend your time with baby?

2. Are you grabbing some sleep when you can? (If you MUST ask about sleep).

3. Isn't it nice just to hold them while they are little?

4. What sort of fun things is he doing now? (Without going on to brag about how your 7 month old knows the alphabet and can ride a bike without training wheels).

5. Is there anything I can help you with?

*(Don't ask the last one unless you mean it...but if you mean it, and you think "It would be nice to offer to help her", then offer!  I don't know many mom's who would turn down the chance for a healthy, home cooked meal that they didn't have to make, or 30 minutes of "me time" at home).  

A Taste of Home....Buffalo Chicken Nuggets

One of my favorite foods from the states is buffalo chicken wings, and I have yet to find anywhere here in the U.K. that does any decent version of these. Well, with yet another craving knocking at my door (anyone care to venture what time of the month is coming up?! HA!), I set to work.   I was surfing Pinterest yesterday, as I often do on the weekends, and decided to try this recipe for  Crispy Buffalo Chicken.  This girl has some really delicious looking recipes, and some of them contain the nutritional information.   She has lost 135 pounds (!!!), she loves cooking and food, and has maintained a happy healthy weight for years.  If that's not inspirational I don't know what is?!

 I followed her recipe exactly, but I cut the chicken breast into 1 inch chunks, so that it was more like chicken nuggets than chicken tenders.  Also, because I cut the chicken smaller, I found that I needed slightly more of the egg mixture and breadcrumbs, but there was still plenty of flour left over when I was finished.  I liked that the chicken was shallow fried, so you still get the nice crispy texture, but with less fat.  I also like this because you can measure precisely how much oil you are using.

Step 1: Assemble ingredients, and cut chicken breast to desired size.

Step 2: Dip the chicken breasts in the bowls in order and add to the pan to fry.

 Step3: Bake the chicken for 5-10 minutes (or until heated through...because I cut the chicken small, it was already cooked after I fried it, but it took a few batches of frying.  So, I stuck it in the oven for 5 minutes so that it would all be hot at the same time.)
Step 4: Toss the cooked chicken in the hot sauce and serve with celery, carrots, and ranch or blue cheese dressing.

(Once again, you can find the full recipe and instructions here.)

If you wanted to make it healthier, you could leave out the breadcrumbs.  (I tried this with a few of the chicken pieces, and they were still really tasty..they would make a nice buffalo chicken salad!) You could also skip the frying, and just bake the chicken...but, let's be honest, we both know it wouldn't be quite as tasty. 

Overall, this was a major success.  It totally satisfied the urge for buffalo wings, and although it wasn't as healthy as some of the other recipes I've tried recently, it was definitely healthier than the version you'd be able to order in a restaurant (if you live in America).  One thing I would say, is that this recipe required quite a bit of love (read: time), but in the end, it was totally worth it. 

EDIT:  If you aren't going to eat all of these at once, I recommend not coating all of them in hot sauce before re-heating. Just bake them, and then freeze/refridgerate what you aren't going to use. I re-heated some for Jim in the oven for dinner, and they dried out.  If I had left off the sauce in the initial process, I could have re-heated them first, then coated in the hot sauce. 

Ooey Gooey Brownies (with 1/10 the fat!)

So, I have been having a major chocolate attack these last few days.  I really wanted a nice chocolaty dessert the other night, so I thought I would make some brownies. After my semi-success in tricking my taste buds with the Guilt Free Pizza earlier this week, I googled "Healthy Brownie Recipes" or something of the sort, thinking that google would say "Ha!  Try Again, Stupid!", but lo and behold we got results! (Thanks to Skinny Taste....check it out!)

Now, these brownies still aren't technically "healthy" , but they are gooey, delicious, and have no added oil or eggs.  All you need is a box of Betty Crocker Brownie Mix, and the secret ingredient.  What then, you say, is the secret ingredient?  Are you guessing......?

Nope, that's not it.

That either.

Or that.. 

Okay, okay.  I'll just tell you, because you will never guess. The secret ingredient is......(imagine a drum roll here):

An entire can of black beans.

Would you ever have guessed? It sounds weird and gross...I was VERY sceptical! (I even bought a pack of "backup" treats, since I had friends coming over....we didn't need them!) Honestly though, you can't tell.  If you like your brownies light and fluffy, then this recipe isn't for you.  But, if you like to take your brownies out of the oven a little early so that they are a nice and soft and chewy, then you are going to love this recipe.

Ingredients:
1 Box Betty Crocker (or your favorite brand) Brownie Mix
1 Can Black Beans in Water

Method:
1. Drain the beans and rinse them well.
2. Add the beans back to the empty can and fill with water
3. Blend the bean/water mixture in a blender until smooth
4. In a large bowl, combine bean puree with brownie mixture until smooth.
5. Bake according to package instructions
6. Allow to cool, and enjoy!*

I cut my brownies into about 20 little brownie bites.  If I had made them according to the package instructions (using an egg, water, and 30ml of vegetable oil), the entire recipe would have contained about 33g of fat (About 1.5g fat per individual brownie bite).  Subbing the black beans meant that the entire recipe contained less than 3g fat.  (About 0.1g fat per brownie bite).  So, even though there is still plenty of sugar, you've saved a lot of fat by subbing the beans. You get the extra bonus of some daily fibre, and you can still satisfy that craving for chocolate!

*Please enjoy in moderation. Consuming large amounts of black bean brownies may result in public flatulance, frequent lavatory visits, and general embarrassment for everyone involved.

Guilt Free Pizza (with Cauliflower Base)

MMmmmmm....Pizza.  It has all my favorite things...gooey, melty, cheesey cheese.  Fluffy, yummy, doughy base.  Pepperoni, tomato sauce, and toppings galore.  Unfortunately, it is also packed with carbohydrates, calories, and fat....boooo! hiss!! Pizza is honestly my worst temptation food.Unfortunately for my waistline, I could quite easily scoff down 1500 calories worth of pizza without batting an eyelid. I know....it's shameful.  Another unfortunate circumstance is that I am watching my figure lately (HA...what else is new?!), and 1500 calories worth of fatty, yummy, carby pizza is not on the cards for me any time soon.  So, I've concocted this recipe in order to trick my taste buds into thinking that they are tasting their favorite food, when in fact I'm feeding them a substitute with a much lower fat and calorie count (see the end of the post for nutritional values). All the while, this guilt free pizza helps to satisfy the craving.  (Though, I have to warn you, the first mouthful of the cauliflower crust is slightly weird, because it looks so much like normal pizza crust but doesn't taste the same..Once you get past that, it is great!)
  
Ingredients:

For Pizza Base:
1/2 head of cauliflower (grated in food processor)
2 eggs (or 4 egg whites for less calories)
30g (1oz) half fat mozzarella cheese
Pinch of Salt and Pepper
optional:
25 g (~.8 oz) whole wheat breadcrumbs
optional for baking surface:
5 g (~.2oz) Parmesan cheese
1/2 tsp olive oil (or other oil)
Toppings:
100g (~3oz) pizza sauce
50g (~1.5 oz) reduced fat mozzarella cheese
10 g (~.3 oz) feta cheese
A few sliced mushrooms
1/4 chopped bell pepper
A few sliced black olives
Crushed red pepper to serve
(EDIT: These are just the toppings I used...it was a little bland, so next time I would probably use a little more sauce, and maybe substitute a bit extra feta for some of the mozzarella, and add sun dried tomatoes.)

Method:
1. Preheat oven to 220 C or 450 F.
2. Place baking paper onto a cookie sheet or pizza stone, and brush on 1/2 tsp olive oil and sprinkle Parmesan cheese onto the baking paper. (or spray with low calorie cooking spray if you choose to omit the Parmesan cheese and olive oil)
3. Combine all of the ingredients in a large bowl, and then press evenly onto the baking paper. (I did mine about 1cm thick)

Cauliflower Crust Prior to Baking

4. Bake in the oven for about 15 minutes or until golden brown.  

Cauliflower crust after baking

(I actually doubled the recipe, and made two batches of crust, cut this one into 4 slices and put it in the freezer. Supposedly it should be okay to freeze and then use another time...I guess we will see!)

5. After you bake the crust, add your pizza sauce and toppings, then just pop it back in the oven, or under the broiler until your cheese is bubbly, and starting to brown, and voila! Enjoy tricking your taste buds!

The finished product

 You can have 1/2 pizza as prepared with roughly the following nutritional values:
Calories: 326 Fat: 15.9g Carbohydrates: 24.8g Protein: 28.9g Dietary Fibre: 7.6g Weight watchers ProPoints: 8
(Here is a little perspective, you would be able to eat 1/2 of Domino's, classic crust, pepperoni pizza for almost triple the values of calories, carbs, and fat....yikes!)

And, of course, I couldn't finish the post without some pictures of my sous chef!

My Little Helper

...and his handy work! 

The Truth About Motherhood

Well, here I am again, almost one year to the day after my previous blog.  Perhaps, my posts will be a once a year phenomena for you all to enjoy (or ignore...up to you).  In all honesty, the real reason for my post today was to take a little time out for myself.  I've always enjoyed writing, and I rarely get or take more than 10 minutes to have "me time" now that I'm a mom, and it usually comes in the form of a cup of hot chocolate and some day time TV, or a short nap in the afternoon while Elijah is sleeping.  I've always enjoyed writing, and today I wanted to record and share the truth about motherhood.  At least it's my truth.

Maybe some of you actually do all the things that you pin on pinterest....you know what I mean.  "5 Simple Steps to Never Having a Messy House Again", "30 Organic, Homemade,Budget Friendly Meals for Your Family", "52 Easy Crafts to Give as Gifts", "Get Toned in Just 45 Minutes a Day","How to Look Like a Fashionista 100% of the Time".  You know what I mean.  The only reason I even go on pinterest anymore is to spend 10 minutes daydreaming about what life as a mom would be like in a perfect world, where I would have time to have a spotless house, make home made food, express creativity daily, workout, and look hot in the latest fashions every day.

Would you like to know the reality of the situation?  This is the reality. I just dusted my bedroom for the first time in a month. I'm not kidding.  A month. I'm always at least a week behind on laundry.  And even when I am caught up, we live out of the laundry basket.  Because, let's face it, who has the time or energy to actually put the clothes away once you finally got them washed and dried?  Today, the thing I'm most thankful for is that we have a dog to eat the half eaten bits of toast and cucumber off of the floor (which I've been meaning to mop...for 3 weeks now). Post-wife/Pre-motherhood me would be shocked, appalled, maybe even disgusted.  Post-motherhood me feels like I should get a medal for doing any house work today.

It's an excellent day if I manage to get out of the house.  Oh, I went to the mother and toddler groups a few times a week for a while....and then we experienced the first round of "teething".  Let me tell you, that was a joy!  Even though we have since survived and recovered, I'm really not sure how I ever managed to shower, let alone leave the house, before 10AM. In fact, shouldn't I get some kind of award for making it to church most sunday mornings?!  I haven't worked out in a month, and we probably eat frozen pizza or some other similarly processed and unhealthy instant frozen food at least twice a week.  I guess this probably contributes to that 10 extra pounds of baby weight I haven't managed to shed just yet, huh?  The one chance I've had at a girls night in the last month came on a night where I didn't sit down to (my frozen pizza) dinner with my husband until 8pm after a long and rough afternoon with a fussy baby who refused to nap. Needless to say, I was practically paralyzed by exhaustion and had to miss out on hanging out with two great friends.

Our society has this messed up mentality that moms should somehow be able to do it all.  Actually, it's not that they should just do it all, they should do it all perfectly.  So, instead of contributing to the problem by simply trying to keep up appearances, I've decided to lay it all out there and be honest about my life as a mom.  I know there are quite a few mommy bloggers out there who have already joined this "reality of the stay at home mom" revolution, but I needed to put it in my own words.  It helps me to refocus, and it gives me clarity about why I wanted to be a mother.  The answer is definitely not "so that I would be able to become Pinterest personified"

Did I mention that motherhood is honestly the most rewarding, heart-warming, satisfying job in the entire world? That is why I've always wanted to be a mom. I love Elijah more than life itself, and I wouldn't trade my time with him for anything!

And I mean that 100%.  I am incredibly blessed with a gorgeous baby boy, who is so fun, happy (most of the time ;) ), and amazing, that I can't comprehend how I got lucky enough to be his mom.  So, you know what?  I'm going to hang out with him and enjoy every second, because that dust on the windowsill will still be there tomorrow. Also, things would be a heck of a lot worse if I didn't have a husband who was willing to help me out.  Not only does he get up with Elijah on some Saturday mornings so that I can have a nap and re-charge, but he also does dishes, laundry, and vacuuming! (Sometimes I don't even have to ask! ; ) )

In order to end my (possibly annual) post, I'll just say this:  To those of you who "do it all" (if you actually exist), hats off to you for being Supermom! You're amazing! To those of you who try to make the rest of us think that you do it all, when you are actually just as behind on the housework and exhausted as the rest of us, screw you. Okay, okay.  Maybe that is a bit harsh, but you should really own up to your own weaknesses and stop trying to make the rest of us feel like we aren't good enough!   (Not to mention what you are doing to yourself....who can deal with that kind of pressure?!)   You'll feel much better.  Promise.

Magic Stick Tell Future

So, if you think about it, it's pretty strange how we test for pregnancy. It sort of sounds like some sort of ancient tribal ritual....like a really unhygienic crystal ball. "Pee on magic stick. Magic stick see future. Tell if baby grow in belly".

To all of my friends who aren't mothers, I remember thinking it was weird how people would post pictures of their baby "bumps", ultrasounds, pregnancy tests, etc, And here I am....posting pictures of aforementioned subject matter on the internet for the whole world to see. I guess when you get pregnant, you just have to surrender a tiny bit of your sanity. (Did I mention that the other day, I calmly walked over to the bin, lifted the lid and dumped Murphy's dog food into said bin rather than into her dog bowl?) I think it's worth it though, because we're having a baby...and it's pretty exciting! I can handle surrendering a bit of sanity for that.

So, for those who want to catch up on what's been going on, here's a little bit about my pregnancy experience so far:

We found out about the pregnancy the day before our 3rd anniversary. I was going to try to wait to surprise Jim, but I couldn't contain myself. I cooked him a nice dinner and said we were going to celebrate our anniversary early. After dinner he opened my gift to him:
Apparently, the magic stick method was a little too sophisticated for this cave man, because it took him a minute to figure out the meaning of this tiny shirt (which would obviously be way too small...and frankly, kind of embarrassing to wear in public) and the pregnancy test. I had to explain that the test said "Pregnant". This means we were having a baby. Then again, maybe it was just the shock of the revelation, and in an instinctual form of self preservation, his brain refused to process the situation... In spite of his initial shock, and once the news had a chance to sink in, neither of us could stop smiling!

After experiencing certain trouble symptoms that no woman wants to have in the first trimester (or any trimester really), I ended up having an early ultrasound at about 8.5 weeks pregnant. Thankfully, everything was fine, and we got the first glimpse of our little one.
For a week or so after this, the baby was endearingly referred to as "Nubs". The name didn't really stick, though. I guess it was alright at the time, while the baby actually had nubs, but as the baby grew, I guess the name just became irrelevant.

I had another, routine ultrasound at about 10.5 weeks. We were happy to see our active little baby wiggling around, and that the nubs had grown to look more like arms and legs. Phew. I was given an "official" due date based on the baby's measurements: July 1st. One day after my birthday! (Though, I'm really hoping baby decides to make a grand appearance on July 4th know...staying in touch with those American roots. Plus, everyone in America would be able to celebrate with fireworks. ;-)

We headed to America for Christmas, at which time we were able to share the news with my extended family. For those who were present, we caught their reactions on video by pretending that we were going to take a family photo. My dad, the photographer, said something along the lines of "On the count of three....everybody say 'Beth's pregnant!'" They were shocked...it was funny. It was exciting to be able to finally share the news with some of the most important people in our lives.

Since then, things have been pretty uneventful until this past week when I felt the baby moving for the first time. The most I've felt the baby moving was this past Saturday after we had some homemade taquitos for lunch...and dinner. What? I love Mexican food. Apparently, so does Baby Wightman, because there was lots of wiggling going on in there. (And before anyone asks...it was not just indigestion :-).

In a couple of weeks, we will be able to find out whether the baby is a Boy Wightman or Girl Wightman! I'll do my best to keep you all updated, though motivation and energy to....well...to do anything really seem to be in short supply these days!
Last but not least, here's my one and only bump picture (at about 16 weeks) so far:

Hobbits, Mountain Goats, and Chickens

So...yeah...it's been a while. I know, I know..... "Every day...twice"....totally NOT happening. I've been busy over the last few weeks! Between work and entertaining visitors, I haven't had a whole lot of time to blog. One event that was definitely blog worthy was our hike up Blencathra with Geoffrey in the Lake District. 5 miles should only take a couple of hours right? Right. If you don't have to scramble for your life along the ridge of certain death and destruction. Some of us (me) found this adventure more nerve wracking than others (Jim, Geoffrey, and Murphy). I often found myself sitting on the ridge, looking at the beautiful view, and thinking "I could sit here for a while and wait for the helicopter...Obviously I can't go back down...or up any further". Also had a few conversations with Jesus.... "Well, Jesus....looks like I may be meeting you sooner than expected...."

Now before you go judging me, and thinking how it's not really that scary to walk up a mountain. Let's give you an idea of the scale. That arrow, is pointing at a circle with two tiny people walking along the ridge.

And before you go thinking, "psshhhh..those people just look so small because they are so far away"... Here is what I saw when we got to the ridge. Not exactly a walk in the park..... huh?

Anyway...I learned a few things during our not so leisurely stroll:

1. I'm only afraid of heights when I have to rely on my own two feet/ability not to trip that stands between me and certain death.

2. Men do not inheritly have a sense of fear of dangerous situations (I like to call this "common" sense) like women do.
3. Murphy also lacks this "common" sense.

4. While involved in these dangerous situations with men and/or Murphy, it becomes necessary for me to have a grasp of the danger at hand for everyone involved.

5. This "common" sense x 3 may not help the objective of the task (e.g. get to the top of the mountain), but did put me one step closer to something I would like to do (e.g. ride in a helicopter

**6. In the end, the fear isn't necessarily justified, and the reward can be worth the risk.

The moral of the story? I'm kind of a big chicken....who knew?

In the end, and with lots of encouragement from Jim, Geoffrey, and Murphy, I made it to the top!

Here's a few photos from the climb:

Jim "The Mountain Goat" WightmanBeth "The Big Chicken" Wightman

Family photo:Geoffrey "Frodo" Middleton

The view from the top:

*Please note: number 6 is only applicable to the female sex. If you have a Y chromosome, ignore number 6. Please think through the risks you take, and how these risks may aversely affect those of us who fear for your life. Even when you don't think there is anything to be afraid of.